JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
