I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
