He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
