I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
