Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
