when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
