if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
