It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
