Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
