she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
