Well douche your snatch and let's go!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
