he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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