Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
