so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize