Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
