the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize