when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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