i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
