and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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