Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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