Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
