even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
