You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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