Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im part way to drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
