She's JV to your varsity
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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