Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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