And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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