it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
