YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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