i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
