And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
