About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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