I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
