THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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