Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
