Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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