i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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