Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
