I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
