btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
