You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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