i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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