Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
