I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you never un-have a 4some
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
