I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize