He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
