dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
