Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
