i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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