Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
