david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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