Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you traded sex for a burrito?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
