There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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