walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
