my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
