I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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