So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
