Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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