Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
