we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize