living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
