Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her vagine was all disorganized.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize