We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
