All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
