when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
