You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
