The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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