my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
