why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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