i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
