Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
