forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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