i think my tv is drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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