Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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