I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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