so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
