I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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