how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
