They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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