he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize