So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
