Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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